A fun little end-of-quarter anecdote for y'all, courtesy of my roommate.
My roommate, whom we shall call Lisa, was on a mission trip in Uganda over the summer. While there, she befriended one of the native staff members, a man whom we shall call Chris. Lisa, ever the curious individual, asked Chris many question about Uganda, the people, the culture and their traditions.
One topic they often talked about, because it was so interesting to her, was the concept of marriage. In Uganda, apparently, marriage is less an affair of love and more a business arrangement. Dowries and asking for permission are still very much a part of marriage in Uganda, things completely foreign to Lisa.
Chris, meanwhile, knew a lot about the Western (or, perhaps more correctly, the United States) concept of marriage, as two of his friends had married women from the United States. He showed Lisa how much he knew when, near the end of her trip, he got down on one knee and proposed to her.
Lisa can't quite remember her exact words, but they were something along the lines of "No no no. Please get up, please get up." Chris had already gone to his family to ask for permission, and already had a proper dowry in mind, much to his dismay.
So what happened? How is it that innocent conversations would lead Chris to propose?
Well, as it turns out, the conversations weren't so innocent. In Uganda, apparently, it is extremely uncommon for a woman to speak with a man in public, especially so informally, and especially about marriage. Such conversations are often considered part of dating. In fact, discussions about marriage are usually what lead to marriage. Lisa didn't understand these boundaries and cultural norms, and actually got in trouble with the company she travelled with for causing such a commotion -- though, in her defense, Chris never explained what their conversations meant in the context of his culture.
I take it there wasn't much intercultural training involved in that mission... That's a shame considering the fact that anyone who wishes to communicate any message abroad would do so more effectively with a better understanding of the culture. I would also think that the mission would have warned their missionaries of the different gender relations for safety reasons as well.
ReplyDeleteDuring my final year in Peace Corps, I actually spent two summers as as cross-cultural trainer for new volunteers. Making the new volunteers aware of cultural faux pas was an aspect of that job.Throughout the trainings, and since, I have had mixed feelings about these. Some I felt were very useful, particularly around the kinds of misunderstandings related to romantic status that Lisa unfortunately never received.
ReplyDeleteOthers were less useful because they didn't apply to all areas of the country, were loosely adhered to by Mongolians, or were mere courtesy as opposed to "Mongolian culture." I also had the responsibility to inform Mongolian host families of the many "unusual" things about their soon to arrive guests. One of these was that Americans are less communal than Mongolians and an American's things (computer, iPod, etc) were not to be shared. While this did apply to some volunteers, it did not apply to me and a good number of other volunteers. Many were left wondering why our host families were more than happy to let us share their things, but yelled at their children when the showed innocent curiosity in our possessions. The message that was supposed to be "please respect their privacy" turned into "if you touch an American's things, they will become irate."
I would agree with Sam that gender relations should be discussed with who are going to live abroad. I still wonder where the line after that can become less than productive.
I have an interesting reverse case of this story. When I went to China there was a girl I liked, but in deference to the old idiom 'when in Rome' I made concious effort to adhere closer to local customs in hopes of avoiding typical American male behavior in fear that I might scare her off. Meanwhile, she expected me to be more direct as compared to young Chinese men and interpreted my reserved demeanor for a lack of interest. Then again, I had so little relationship experience at that point, I could easily chaulk it up to a rookie mistake, but it is interesting upon reflection.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sam. I also wonder if the organization have provided any appropriate cultural training at all prior to your roommate's departure. From my personal experience, I went to a couple cultural orientation, or "cultural training," before I came to the U.S. as an exchange student 6 years ago. Yet, the so-called cultural training was just the basic cultural info section involved teaching us courtesy and stereotypical differences between the U.S. and Hong Kong (e.g. how people greet, people in the U.S. are more individualistic, and the fast food culture) The training did not provide me any in-depth views of "U.S. culture" or role-plays to portray the scenario.
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